Back to the Future!

People often have mantras that keep them going. Little sayings of advice to sometimes adhere to or a motto that grounds them or gives them focus or peace. "A list of examples?" you ask. Sure: to thine own self be true, be prepared, the price of security is insecurity, no regrets, love more, have the serenity, courage and wisdom, or maybe the lesser known, always forward, never back. 

In The Terminator, Arnold Schwartzeneggar's famous tag line, "I'll be back" is so threatening, but it can also be seen as a promise. Sure we might come back with vengeance, but in life we can also come back for love. 

Doc Brown tells Marty, "We've gotta go back!" Back where?... Back to the future, back in time, back to Colorado, back to the mountains, back to the coast, back to the ocean, back to Florida, back to work... "whoah, whaoh, whaoh, hold on a second. Let's not go back there again." Until we find a better way, no matter the circumstances, we will have to just keep going back. We even go back to our old habits. (One thing about Covid, I finally stopped biting my nails. Occasionally I find that there's a tendency to go back. But, I have protocols in place and I catch myself and shut it down.) Moving on, or is it back to the point being made. Going back to past hurts is not always bad. We can find healing if we look for it. Going back to familiar places is comforting. Going back home at the end of a long day, at the end of a vacation, or a work trip...this can bring a good feeling even just thinking about it. Or maybe going back home meant you were going to get in trouble because you snuck out and were probably going to get caught sneaking back in, either drunk or in love, or maybe both. (Worth it!) 

Going back to a routine. Going back to the dentist, or going back to sleep. As it turns out, going forward is often going back. 

So, here we are resting on a US forest service road, in beautiful Colorado. (Yup. It's good to be back.) There's a river flowing nearby and the otherwise quiet night offers serenity. There were a few humps to get over along the way, (literal and figurative) but here we are, doing it. Being our best selves. Sometimes it's like, maybe we are Dharma bums?

There is something to be said of having a plan. We all make plans. At least I think we do. Our plan for the summer was shattered when this pandemic struck the world. At that time the outline was international travel to Japan, some time spent in Maine and a trip to Hawaii with short weekend adventures and possibly some work sprinkled in. Then things changed and it was back to the comfortable routine. Go to Tennessee, then Florida for some van projects. We were still planning to head to Maine, but that changed as well. A couple of broken window seals and a struggle to install the new window, had me looking at a journey back to Colorado for a shop that could install the window near the vender that sells the seals. I would buy one more seal and they could install it. (3 seals, a window, shipping, and an adventure across time zones later) Is the window worth it? It has only been a few days, but it gets used often. Call that a small victory? Maybe.

Then consider this... it hasn't cost me anything! While we were in Florida considering the trip back to Colorado, a call comes in asking for a driver to move my friends neighbor from Jacksonville to Boulder. The man was looking for someone to drive a uhaul truck with his belongings from point A to point B while paying for hotel rooms and a flight back to point A after the journey. We negotiated a deal that included paying for a trailer to tow my van to Colorado, gas money and a few bucks a day for my time. Worth it!

It was really a win/win on so many levels. Her neighbor had his belongings transported safely by a professional driver for a low cost and we arrived safely in Colorado, a place we wanted to go, and it didn't cost us a dime and we even made a few bucks to cover future travel expenses as well. I was discussing the details of the arrangement with another good friend and he said that traveling across the country for me was like being in the burrito club at the place down the street. After you eat a certain number of burritos, you get the next one free. 

On top of the financial aspect to the journey, Wilson and I were able to meet up with some of our friends along the way. The first night was spent at a random Walmart in Georgia. Then we rolled in 10 hours of driving later at my AT start date buddy's place outside of Memphis. We met up with another good friend of ours and went out for some delicious southern BBQ. We sat around and talked deeply about life, meditation, alcoholism, relationships, laughter and love. One of them had this to say the next day. 

"Hell yeah! It was my pleasure. I had a damn good time with y'all yesterday. We were three travelers/seekers on our own path through our own wilderness and we all made camp for a night in the same clearing. We got to share with one another our own stories, skills, and thoughts and feelings we have acquired so far on our journey. Now we can each put these new ideas in our packs and continue on our own way a little better for the meeting and little more knowledgeable to help ourselves and others! It was a great encounter as always my brothers! Have a fucking blast on your trip!" As you can see, it was great time being back in the company of these men.

The next night we traveled through Missouri to Kansas! (Oh Kansas. You are the gatekeeper. "Are you the keymaster?") Once over the line we made our way to some farmland outside of Topeka where another friend of ours resides. We chatted some, I met his dad Skip, toured his uncle's farm, ventured out to the pig pens, (standing down wind is rough, also, their boar and his sows are huge!) climbed into the cockpit of some gigantic farm equipment, and we also gave them a tour of our rig. 

They were excited to talk about vanlife and the details that make Wilson as great as he is. Then Skip noticed that the 2 trailer tires on the passenger side were warn out pretty badly. After a phone call to the local uhaul we found ourselves downtown waiting for a roadside technician to come and replace them both. We left the truck and trailer in the parking lot and took a ride a few blocks to sit down for a meal. The food was savory, plentiful, and paired well with one of the local brews. Being back in Kansas turned out to be really good on so many levels. It's a very different place to go back to when you know someone that can show you around.

The last leg of the journey took us back to Colorado, back to my friend's house, back to Boulder and back in time. The adventure gods have shined a bright light on us along the way and the attitude that we sow, one of gratitude and flexibility, continues bear good fruit. Some of us struggle with daylight savings time and the changes it brings to our internal clock. The time warp of driver lag is similar and can cause irritability, anxiety and stress that can lead to frustrations and more irritability. 

It can become a viscous cycle if we don't keep it in check. Stay hydrated, eat, and sleep when you are tired. It helps that there isn't much of a schedule to keep out here. The other day, sitting in the back seat, I found myself wondering what time it was and if I should make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or not. Was it too early for lunch? I realized my phone was on the charger in the cockpit and the clock on the radio wasn't correct. I had a tiny moment of frustration then I decided it didn't matter what time it actually was, because it was peanut butter and jelly sandwich time.

A realization that occured to me the other day during one of my meditative sessions is that each breath we take, though they are finite, has the ability to bring us peace if we allow it. We do not know how many breaths we will take in this lifetime. We do not know how many heart beats we will get. We won't know what death is until it comes to take us away. We can spend our breaths worrying, or fighting, hating or hurting. We can spend them together or we can spend them apart. We can spend them happy or sad, angry, tired, and frustrated or we can spend them content and at peace. Each breath. Every. Single. One. Has the ability to bring with it a little bit of peace if we allow it. I will leave you now with the parting words of Vigo the Carpathian, "Death is but a door. Time is but a window. I will be back"